Fear And Confusion Followed By Love
by trishaj48
Summary: Gil is hiding a secret, that secret keeps him from showing his love for Sara. As always CSI is owned by it's writers and producers. My thanks to billyjorja for her help in finding a title for my story. This was not betaed so all mistakes are mine.


Have you ever loved someone so deeply so completely that the very sound of her voice sent waves of desire cascading over you?

Have you ever hid a fear so strong that it causes you to all but shut out the world?

Have you ever kept a secret?

Has the combination of all three ever driven you close to the point of insanity?

Gil Grissom now finds himself in just that place, two years ago he met and fell in love with Sara Sidle; a beautiful brown eyed brunette with a smile that melted his heart. For Gil it was love at first sight but it was his fear and his secret that kept him from acting on his feelings. How can Gil even dare attempt a relationship knowing what he knows?

Sara too fell head over heels, she had never met anyone like Gilbert Grissom, and he was everything Sara could want in a man. Every night for the last two years Gil would invade her dreams, for the last two years Sara had dropped hints about her feelings. She flirted with him, "accidentally" touched him, and traded with other team members so she could be with him. Sara would work her days off and holidays - anything it took to get time with Gil.

Sara was confused - she knew Gil has feelings for her, his eyes gave him away, why will he not act on them.

Gil and Sara are working a scene, a body found in the park. Evidence was gathered. "Let's head back to the lab," Gil said to Sara as he headed for his Danali. Gil steps into the street, a driver blasts his horn but Gil dose not hear it. Sara grabs Gil's arm and yanks him back, the car misses him by inches. "What the hell were you thinking?" Sara screamed more out of fear for Gil's safety then anger. Gil looked at Sara and without saying a word walked away.

At the lab Sara could not shake the fear she felt, Gil could have been killed and he would never know of her love for him. Sara confronted him several times, each time he would just walk away.

Gil went home without addressing Sara's questions.

Sara was on her way home the more she thought about Gil not wanting to talk to her the more upset she became. The fear of losing the man she loved without him knowing consumed her. Sara slammed on her brakes, making a U turn Sara headed straight for Gil's house.

Gil was stretched out on his couch, his eyes closed; the knock on his door startled him. Gil stood and opened the door, Sara didn't wait to be invited in, as she just barged past him. "Well come in Miss Sidle," Gil said sarcasms in his voice, "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

Sara turned to face Gil, tears in her eyes. "Sara, what is it?" his voice going from sarcasm to concern. "Gil, what happened today?" Sara asked. "Let it go," Gil said turning away from her. "Gil?" Sara said - no reaction from him - "Grissom!" she said a little louder - still nothing. Sara touched his arm, he turned to face her. "Talk to me damn it! I love you - I could have lost you and you will not talk to me," Sara blurted out without thinking.

Gil looked at Sara, surprise on his face, "You love me?" Sara smiled, "Yes." Gil pulled her close to him and kissed her, "I have loved you from the first time you smiled at me." "But …" Sara said, more confused then ever. "Let's sit," Gil said, "I have something to tell you."

"Sara, the thought of a loving you scares me," Gil said. "Why?" Sara wanted to know.

"It is so complicated," Gil said. "Try me?" Sara told him. Gil inhaled deeply and released it slowly. "From the first time I seen you I wanted you to be a part of my life, not just a lover but my wife." Sara's mouth fell open, how could he keep this to himself? Gil fumbled with his words, "I love you so much that is why I can't have a relationship with you I just could not do that to you."

Now Sara was completely confused, "Let me see if I heard you right. You love me? You want me to be your wife? But you can't do it to me?" "Yes," Gil said. Seeing the look on her face Gil then realized that what he said made no since.

"Let me start from the beginning," Gil said. "Please do," Sara said, "Because I am lost." "Earlier today - with the car - I did not react because I did not hear it," Gil said looking at the floor. Sara touched his hand, "Gil?" "My mother is deaf, I am losing my hearing," Gil said revealing his secret, "How could I ask anyone to share my life with me? How could I put a burden like that on anyone?" "I would never again be able to hear your voice and if we were to have children I would never hear their voices," Gil said his fear now out in the open also.

Sara tenderly cupped Gil's face with her hands. Sara said, "Nothing would make me happier then to go through life as Mrs. Gilbert Grissom. I love you."

Gil pulled her close to him, "I have one chance to get this straightened out. I am scheduled for surgery next week. If it was successful I was going to ask you out to dinner and, well talk to you about us." Sara smiled, "I guess you will not have to wait."

Gil looked into her eyes, as Sara looked back into his eyes she could see a burning desire for her. Gil stood and pulled her to him his lips finding hers. Sara needed him and needed him now; she did not want to wait. Unbuttoning and unzipping Gil's trouser they fell to the floor as her hands found his hard, throbbing manhood. She used one hand to pump while the other found his balls. Gil moaned into her mouth as he undressed her, his hands exploring her soft skin.

Gil felt Sara's skin flush under his touch. His lips found her neck Gil sucked, nibbled and kissed it. A moan escaped her throat from the sensations he was giving her. Her nails were gently scratching the back of his neck as he gently guided her to a lying position on the couch. Gil's lips found hers again as they kissed passionately moaning into each other's mouths. Gil massaged her nipples, they reminded him of strawberries, firm yet tender. He pulled one into his mouth and sucked and gently nibbled it. Gil's mouth found her other nipple while sucking it Gil inserted two fingers into her opening and started pumping.

Gil moved in between her long legs and breathed in her sexy scent. He pushed her legs farther apart so he could lick and suck at every bit of her beautiful womanhood. Gil sucked Sara's clit as he pumped his fingers in her, Sara was in constant ecstasy. Sara screamed his name as her juices filled his mouth.

Gil grabbed Sara's hips and pulled her to the edge of the couch. He pushed his manhood into Sara slowly, feeling her wet heat surround him, her channel still trembling seemed to hug his manhood. They both groaned at the feel of the other's body, the moment of completion near. "Faster … Harder…," Sara begged. Gil pounded into her as hard as he could, while Sara moaned and screamed with delight. His screams and moans matched hers as he thrust deep inside her and released himself.

Gil laid his head on Sara's stomach, she stroked his hair. They were lost in the ecstasy of pleasure they had just given each other. Gil was finally able to stand, he took Sara's hand and led her to his room, lying on the bed she nestled into his arms and slept, the next morning they woke up the same way.

"Good morning my love," Gil said. Sara kissed his chest, "Darling, did you mean what you said? Do you want me as your wife?" "That has been my dream," Gil tells her. Sara propped herself up so she was looking into his eyes, "Then let me make that dream come true." Gil kissed her, "No." "No?" Sara said, "Why?" "Not until after my operation," Gil said. Sara smiled at him, "My answer will be the same today as it will be in a week. Nothing can make me stop loving you." Gil kissed her again, "Then yes."

One week later Sara kissed Gil as he was wheeled off to surgery. Three days after that she sat by his side as the bandages were removed, "Gil?" Sara whispered. "Yes love," he answered.

Two months later they were married. Gil kissed his wife and smiled, "You have made me the happiest man in the world." Three days before their first anniversary tears were freely falling from Gil's eyes as he heard the first cries of his newborn child.


End file.
